The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't deserve a penis
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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