she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
