I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
