How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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