this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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