Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
