you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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