M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
