My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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