I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
