I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
