i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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