It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
