found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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