im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
