i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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