I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
