she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
