my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
