Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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