Non-Jews are for practice
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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