i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
