it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
