he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
