Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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