Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
