Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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