Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
