Already got asked if we're dating
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
