Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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