I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
