The best revenge is premature balding
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
