Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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