Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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