drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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