I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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