While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
