remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
