the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
