idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
