tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
