Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
