I'm gonna have a badass scar
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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