My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
