i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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