You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
