Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
