all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize