whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
