Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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