You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My vagina is officially offended.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
