I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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