Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
