To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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