it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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