i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
