worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
