two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
