But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
