They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
