I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
