I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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