Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
