We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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