Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
