You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
